The rose has been claimed...

My life is finally beginning, I recently entered in to a courtship with one of my best friends. He fell right before me as imagined he would. I remember asking God to surprise me with who it may be. I wanted to walk right in to it with my eyes closed and I did. I recently reviewed one of my old journal post, recapping all the failed relationships and interests I've had. I recalled thinking that my husband would be someone of a different land and no one in the church. I recalled how I was interested in Joseph but said it would never happen because he is in love with another woman. I even said that God would have to make him single by the end of August for me to even give him a second look. Then out of nowhere he was contemplating leaving his current lady by August 1st. Then by August 15 he had left her. My jaw might as well have been broken because it hung open, wide enough for a waterfall to pass through. Then almost instantly I recalled a dream I had a few years prior to all of this. It was my wedding day and I was running around like a dog, trying to run as many errands as I could. I found myself running to the supermarket, the post office to buy stamps, the glasses store to try on frames (I don't even wear glasses) and everything else besides getting married. Then in my dream I was met by a lady who I believed was African and she said to me "You have to get ready!!" and I said "No, I still have so much to do" she then proceeded to grab my arm and hurry me to a car, I don't recall if I was driving or if she was but she drove me to the ceremony space. Then I remembered I didn't even get the dress, so we stopped at a dress shop and I purchased a gown, I think it was lace. Then all of a sudden my dream went from 3rd person or 1st person. I was walking down the isle and there were people I knew and people I didn't know. As I approached the front and pair of dark, heavy hands embraced mine. It appeared to be rough but was soft to the touch and then my dream ended. Then after the dream I went to school and in my first period class, engraved in the top right corner of the desk was the name Joseph with hearts going around it. That was enough evidence for me to at least consider the idea the he may be my husband. At first I was repulsed by the idea of spending the rest of my days with this man. I thought he was nothing but a brute that abandoned things when he didn't feel like attending to them (I'm as fragile as a rose on the inside), but I was terribly wrong. We spent a few nights together in the church, we talked and laughed and held each other till we fell asleep. This man has reached the deep, murky places in my heart and mind and has managed to provide some glimmer of light. He understands all my crazy outburst and all my quiet heartfelt emotions. He understands my need for space and my need to be held. He completes me in a way I still don't understand. He even enjoys getting coffee with me and sitting in a park at 2 in the morning. As some know I'm a INFP (if you're in to the Myers Briggs personality types) and Joseph is a INFJ, in my book we even complete each other personality wise.  I don't know how far we'll go together but I'm going to enjoy all the little moments we get to have.

If only they knew...

I have a desire to write, I really do, but I have a fear of writing something controversial. Trying to keep the peace becomes difficult when you're mind thinks so many things. Like 9/11, you can call me a conspiracy theorist but what makes me different is the Spirit that lives inside, it bears witness to the truth. As I sat on the 6th floor in BMCC I was over looking ground zero. I watched the workers in green and orange walk to a fro the whole area. Then mixed in I saw the people, some walking, some running and the usual tourist looking lost. Then something came upon me, I realized what was sitting before me, the greatest act of cruelty in all time, not even war can compare. Yes it is a bold statement to make but hear me out: In war both countries know that they are at war, they know to expect blood and destruction, in addition they know where the attacks are coming from. In the case of 9/11, on a clear Tuesday morning thousands died and many more were affected. Now here comes the controversial part: Media has told us this was an attack from Al Queida but if you look at physics, how can a building completely fall in to nothing by being hit from the top. Don't understand? lets use the game Jenga for an example. The goal of the game is to remove as many blocks as you can without knocking down the structure. Now lets say you remove the wrong block from the middle, only half of the structure falls but the base is still intact. Now if you remove the wrong block from the bottom that's when the whole structure collapses. Now lets relate that to the twin towers, the point of impact was at the top of the building. In order for the whole building to collapse there had to also be impact from the bottom. There is obviously something suspicious going on, but what can I do? A mere person with an idea based on physics. However, if we as Americans stop accepting everything we hear on the news as the truth then they will have to work harder to deceive us. Remember the news and all forms of media are all privately owned, subjectivity is bound to seep in.

Run, Run far away from your problems

I don't really care what people say, one of the best things you can do is run away from your problems (Well at least from some problems) and my problem is one of them. The courageous thing to do would be to buckle down and be a strong woman and save my day. I would stand and fight to get what I want and I would not back down even if they held a knife to my neck. However, I am not up for that kind of fight. Yeah I know i'll be labeled as a wus and many other names but I know that this is a fight I cannot win. This is not a fight against a snobby girl who hates my guts or as the Christian community would say "a fight against principalities (I've already taken care of those things). This fight is against something so sinister that not even the cleverness of a genius or the strength of a muscle man can solve, Love. Love anything other than God and you're putting yourself in a compromising position.