My words won't be found in the ballots

People don't place blame upon themselves because they are selfless or because they are hard on themselves. But people place blame upon themselves for the very selfish reason of: its easier that way. They would rather take the blame so that they don't have to take the time to explain the faults in the other person. It's much easier to find the faults in yourself and accept them than to accept the flaws of someone else. There is a saying that goes: "If you want to know a man look at his friends." So of course we as humans like to have a good reputation. If something is wrong with our friends then we'll have to replace them right? (Way to complicated to do). We are taught from a very early age that it is better to point the finger at ourselves and be slow to point the finger at others, which is great advice (It keeps dictators from forming). But what happens when the situation is purely someones fault. We are never really taught to advocate for ourselves or what we believe in. It is considered an ability one is "born" with and if you lack that skill then you just fall through the cracks of society. Part of avocation is knowing where to place blame and pointing out the flaws for the sake of a better community. If we just placed blame upon ourselves all the time then that would result in a community depression.

Here is a question I won't answer (at least anytime soon): Do we scramble to find blame and place it upon ourselves because we truly believe it is our fault or do we seek it out to prevent others from judging you?
What i'm saying is not law but my words would be categorized under "other" in the ballots, and my words are: When pointing you still have three fingers pointing back at you. Whats the lost of one finger for the sake of a better community?

Obsession ------------------> Addiction

I know that this may be a horrible thought to have (The only place to get this out would be in writing) so here it goes: I'm thinking about the human race as a whole and how all of us have at least one addiction or obsession. Some people have addictions to drugs while others have addictions to success (perfectionist). Some people have an obsession with what is new or hip while others have an obsession with not allowing themselves to be influenced by what the general public is influenced by. I thought to myself "If we have to be addicted or obsessed with something then why can't we choose what that thing is?" As humans we like to think that we have the power or control over most things regarding what we enjoy or what plagues and weaken us. But the truth is that we don't have much power or control at all. (If you are Christian you have power in Jesus Christ but what good is it if you don't know how to use it). I was privileged *sarcastic tone* to have an obsession with the soft, fragile and sad. This in turn made me more soft, fragile and sad. I often write about things that should be deep but I down play them in to a single moment, like a scene in a movie. My most recent poem "Two roses in the black box" was about a theater romance. I start off by saying "oh please just dance with me, just for these counts of three" and I end it with "But for this moment, this one moment in eternities clock, let's be the definition of theater romance, two roses in the black box". When people write love poems there is always some deep meaning and a line that suggests wanting to be in love forever, but my love poems kind of stop right at the moment. I acknowledge the people in my poems may be living completely different and may never see each other again after this encounter but they should pretend that this will last forever. So as a result my poems often carry a mellow sad tone to them. I guess i'm rambling now, the bottom line for this post is that I wish my obsession was with something more productive rather something that can't help anybody.

The mind is a strange place...

Everything is just changing around me. I started college, underwent an overnight maturity transformation and have questioned my own sanity. Because of my faith I find myself constantly asking God things like "what are you doing?" "Are you sure about this?" or the more famous one "Are you trying to kill me?". My faith is weak because I have been wrong about so many things I was sure about. Like I "knew" I was destined to be this great doctor who would travel the world and take care of the worlds untouchables. I felt a special connection with them because I was America's untouchable. I was doomed from the beginning, but God didn't forsake me. Ever since I was young, I've had this unquenchable sense of wonder inside of me, like every moment in life can be magic if I just believed hard enough. Even when things went down hill I still found a way to create a fairy tale. One of my favorite childhood fantasies was a Michael Jackson/Cinderella blend. In my fantasy I was a slave, always cooking and cleaning and was fairly beautiful but my beauty was not seen by the commons. Then one day a very young Michael Jackson came to my door and moon walked his way past my mother straight to my twin sized bed and sat down next to me. I marveled at him and he said to me "I've traveled all the seven seas, searched the rich and poor lands and found myself here with you at the very moment, I love you and I accept you". Then in a flash we stood on top of my bed and jumped three times and disappeared together. For a time I actually believed that this happened to me but eventually that passed. Time has had it's way with me. The days and hours has seasoned me well but one thing I still have possession of is my vast sense of wonder, which I now express in poems and short stories. The times of my fantasies has passed, and i'm well aware of reality now but my wonder has taken on a new approach. I now wonder about life and the meaning of it. I'm in no pursuit to find a philosophical answer to this question, I only seek to find an answer that will make my wonder more understandable.The mind is a strange place...