He never leaves me.

Today was my high school graduation (whoop whoop!!). I was absolutely ecstatic because I have completed something that few NYC students complete in the standard 4 years. My mother, little sister, aunt, cousin and my pastor attended this day with me. What was amazing was that my cousin gave me a bouquet of roses. I didn't realize what was happening at the moment but i found out later. We went out to eat at a soul food restaurant called Sylvia's. I'm not quite sure whether my expectations were too high or it had too much southern flavor but to me the food was alright. When you live in New York for so long you begin to mistake southern flavor with artery clogging heaviness. Anyway, i ate there with my cousin and aunt and we chatted about my near and distant future. After we headed to check out this "famous" tattoo shop called Black Ink (none of us plan to get tattoos), then from there we parted ways. On my way home I got many congratulations and smiles from people. It was almost as if the bitterness that comes with a day in NYC was briefly lost because I was wearing a blue gown and a bright smile. It felt really good to have people appreciation, especially my pastor's. When i got home I flung my shoes and freed my face from the mask of makeup I was forced to wear. I then proceeded to tend to the beautiful pink roses i received from my cousin. I was dancing around like i didn't have a care in the world and right before i danced out the kitchen i counted the roses (i'm not sure why i did that) and i found that i had 8 roses. I immediately started to cry because i realized how God's word never fails. 8 is the number of new beginnings and the color pink means unconditional love and hope. God is giving me a new beginning of unconditional love and hope. I am truly greatful. I don't know what exactly God is going to do with me but i trust Him. Though i'm nervous for whats ahead i'm looking forward to it.  

They say "There are many fish in the sea" (I just don't know how to fish)

People have always told me after break ups, "Don't worry there are plenty of fish (guys) in the sea." Obviously I don't know how to fish. I choose different baits time and time again and i keep getting the fish covered in oil. They slip right through your hands and wiggle right back in to the ocean where they came from. To every person who has ever told me the above words I have this to say to you: If I wanted the whole damn sea, I'll cast my net and collect as many fish as I wanted and start an aquarium or eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. There is a reason that I sit in a row boat with a single fishing line. I don't want fish that I can devour or display. I want a fish to take hold of my fishing line and pull me out to sea. I want to live in the water with my catch in a beautiful coral reef (enough metaphors for you?). In all honesty I already have two great love affairs, the first is with God, and the second is with my writing. So I think i'll drop the fishing rod for a bit and just enjoy the beauty of the deep blue that surrounds me.

Your only young once

Somewhere along the path of achievement we lose our sense of wonder. The kind of wonder we had when we were five and we discovered that fire was hot, that fire can burn you. We knew it was dangerous but we still played with it because our curiosity got the best of us. We took risk passing our fingers through the flame and only then did we discover that only the tip of the flame burns. When we were young we were not reluctant to take risk, we were not afraid to fail. I guess somewhere along the way we become paralyzed at the thought of not being successful. I say we go off of the charted territory, take a chance and make a leap. You only have one chance at happiness and success, if you stay safe then you potential will remain safe, but if you aim high your potential will aim even higher. J.K. Rowling has an interesting quote: "It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all-in which case, you fail by default." I don't know about anyone else, but when i'm older i don't want to regret not going forward in my potential. I would rather fail trying to accomplish something than to fail by default because i was too afraid to make a move. So i guess my message to the youth and anyone reading this is follow your dreams, though you may (more likely than not) fail at least you failed trying instead of failing by default. Reach for the heavens and take that leap and most importantly trust in God for the outcome. 

Mid life crisis? Talk about quarter life crisis

OK, i'm not exactly 25 but the point is, people assume that older people have it tougher with work, families and bills. Not saying that they don't have their challenges but i can vouch for the 20-something year old's. Older people tend to already be settled in to their lives and so they can afford to have a mid life crisis and splurge on that luxury car or get that head to toe makeover. When you are in your early 20's you can't afford to have a crisis, your life depends on every single educational, financial and personal decision you make. I'm not even 20 yet and i already have elevated blood pressure due to stress. Especially growing up in the NYC public school system, there isn't many "helpful" resources out there. The resources that are available tell you either to go in to something with guaranteed employment like nursing, engineering and the other sciences. Those fields have some of the best jobs in the world but they aren't for everybody. Also it really annoys me that these places will go on to the internet and print the same information you could have gotten on your own at the library. I would like to see more programs that help students realize their talents and aspirations. Then from there you can start looking in to possible educational programs to achieve your goals. There is definitely a lack of acknowledgement to the stress our generation faces when it comes to employment and a stable future. Besides no matter what you are looking to go in to, your career will always feel like a job if you aren't happy with what you're doing.

Starting over takes years

Starting over takes years guys, i just realized this. I had just made the decision to go natural about a year ago and i'm nine months post big chop, which is cutting off all your permed hair in order to have your natural hair. I have seven inches in the front (whoop whoop !) and five in the back. That's only because the lady i went to cut my hair that way (rolls eyes) but anyway i'm making progress. Today I've decided to lose about 15-20 pounds. I joined this new site called MyFitnessPal and so far it is a great community of people looking to better themselves. I just finished a FREE kickboxing session through Mag Rack, which is free through cablevision. I was drenched in sweat but i was impressed because the program was free but helpful. I look forward to wearing tank tops and shorts this summer. I just have to keep my eye on the goal. This change also carries over in to my personal life, for as long as i can remember i have always been in a relationship, this is the first time I've been single for anymore than 2 months. It is definitely new and taking some getting use to but i know it is the best for me. I have my lonely moments where i just want a man's arms around my waist telling me everything is going to be OK, but then i have my liberated moments where i feel free and can tackle anything. I know becoming the woman i want to be will take years but i'm willing to take invest the time and take the initiative in becoming this woman, and from the looks of it she is going to be strong, wonderful and beautiful.